Without a Trace
by improbablewhale
Summary: When a lab accident leaves Tony injured, Bruce leaves because he can't live with himself if he's going to hurt the ones he loves. T for language.
1. Politik

**A/N: Hello there! This is something I've been thinking about for a while. It was kind of inspired by some recent personal events, which I've found are very good writing fuel! I don't write too often, so I hope this doesn't turn out too bad. Enjoy!**

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Trust is a powerful concept, especially when you turn into an enormous green monster and trample everything in your path every time you get a little worked up.

I desperately wish that the human race could see the world from my point of view. I spend every day trying to prove that I'm not an animalistic machine, that I can be an esteemed scientist if I'm given the chance. Everyone is always talking about how you can't let yourself down, that every person will find their place eventually, but here I am trying to get away from it. I need to. I'm seen as a monster, I even am one sometimes, and for some reason the world doesn't want to give me an opportunity to show what I've got. If they were to just look past the other guy, give me the recourses I need, they could see who Bruce Banner really is. I hate being known as the guy who turns green when he's angry, because I know I'm so much more than that.

I suppose that's what I love about Tony. He knows the real me, too. Tony's basically the only friend I have, but you only really need one, if they're the right person. Apart from the room, clothes, lab, all that stuff, he's given me what I really need; his trust. I haven't really had that since Betty.

Tony and I get each other. The other Avengers, they're sympathetic, but they don't understand what I've been through. It's hard to explain it without sounding pretentious. Tony gets me. We were both forced into this whole world of- well, saving the world. We both fell into this tragic lifestyle that we'd do anything to get out of. Tony says he loves the whole super-hero thing, but deep down, he wishes he had a normal life.

People ask me how I manage the Hulk. I usually tell that whole 'I'm always angry' bit, but that's a load of crap. Tony's given me that control. Not literally, of course, but through everything he's done. He's given me the strength I need to _gain_ that control. There's a certain bliss I feel when I'm around him, like I've found the _right_ place. A new one. He makes me feel like a person that just has a bad temper, with a brain and a heart and a soul, not just a storage unit for a can of angry.

It sounds ridiculous when I say I wish the world could see the real me. I know that's never going to happen. It's like saying Arthur Conan Doyle will be known for his poetry, or Albert Einstein for his music.

What I'm getting at is that I wish the Hulk was accepted. I've gotten past trying to cure him, because you can't cure something that's part of you. The control tests are helping, but no matter how many trials are run, or how many tubes of my blood we test, the Hulk will always be seen as a destructive, untamed beast. If I-he, were seen as just a bigger, stronger, more heroic version of me, then maybe the universe and the Hulk could coexist.


	2. Clocks

**_A/N: Here have a chapter 2!_**

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Since moving in, Pepper and I have actually gotten really close. When Tony invited me, I was a bit uneasy about it all, especially Pepper. I'm not that great at meeting new people, but Pepper, since she was basically babysitting Tony, could at least feel sorry for me.

I often confided in her when Tony was off doing something neither of us wanted to get involved in. It was good to have a third party- someone who wasn't a genius and I could easily win debates with. She also served as a good person to vent to. Whenever I was frustrated with Tony, I would go to her. I could tell she was often frustrated as well, but she would never say it.

Pepper and I are on the upper lounge, having one of our usual banters, complaining about Tony and other things.

"Bruce, your eyes…" Pepper points to my face, looking a little scared.

I turn to the large window next to me, and squint to see my reflection. My eyes are a sharp emerald green. "Sorry, Pep… I've had a lot on my mind lately." I stand up and walk towards the refrigerator. I fish a green tea out of the back and open it on the counter. I just kind of sit there for a moment, knowing that I'm going to have to speak my mind eventually

Pepper walks over to the counter and leans against it. "Bruce, what happened last night?"

What Pepper was referring to was a little incident on the lab the previous night. She walked in on Tony and me running some experiments. It dawned on Tony that with his genius and my genius, we could do some pretty innovative stuff. I wanted to help with the Iron Man tech. Tony wanted to help with the Hulk, and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Within my first week of living in the tower, Tony had already installed a "Hulk Lab." He actually dug out a second basement for it. The entire lab was lined with an inch of surgical-grade titanium. (Tony would have sprung for vibranium, but there's that whole issue of scarcity.) He then had all of the new lab equipment reinforced with carbon fiber. Hulk tried to smash, but he couldn't.

Even with the suit, Tony still gets hurt. That thing's like tin foil to the Hulk. At first, he would try to rip Tony apart almost every other day. Now, he can go a week without a scratch. After everything Tony's gone through for my sake, it's starting to wear me down.

"We were just doing stuff. Science, you know." I take a sip of my tea, trying to think about anything but last night.

Pepper may not be book smart, but she can read anyone like the tabloids Tony's always in. "Bruce, come on. I know something's getting you down." She folded her arms across her chest and gave me her 'I-already-know-what's-wrong-but-I'm-going-to-make-you-tell-me-anyway' look.

I sigh and look at my hands on the counter. I might as well tell her, I tell her everything. "Tony wanted to try something new. Every time we provoked the Hulk, Tony had me in a big indestructible tank, like the one on the Hellicarrier. The big guy had a lot of room to run around, smash the things that were intended to be smashed, he just had a ball in there. But last night…" I paused to pinch the bridge of my nose. "…Tony wanted to restrain me. I told him about the last time someone tried to cure the Hulk with restraints. He's heard of Mr. Blue before, but never heard what happened to him, so I told him.

I agreed, I don't know why.

First we did all the normal stuff, hooking me up to heart monitors and other machines to read my vitals. Tony sat me in a chair that was made of the same piece of metal that the floor was. He told me that I don't need to worry, all that stuff he usually tells me. He put these huge bracelet things around my wrists made of carbon fiber, big enough for the Hulk to grow into. He slapped me, and it all went downhill from there."

Pepper's eyebrows wiggle, like she's trying to decide how she feels. "So wait, Tony was in the room with you?"

I nod. "He had the Hulk-proof suit on, but that didn't stop me from launching him across the room when the restraints broke." I take another sip of my tea, and just breathe for a moment. I finally look up at Pepper.

"He's gotten hurt before though, right?" she's still doing that eyebrow thing. I nod again. "So, nothing new. I mean, I hate seeing him damaged, but it's not like you're intentionally trying to kill him."

I'm laying here in bed, trying to figure out what to do. I'm going over what happened not twenty-four hours ago, and I hate it.

"_Bruce, come on. You gotta let me try. Mr. Blue probably didn't know what he was doing. You and I… we've been developing the shit out of this stuff for months."_

Why did I let him do it? I knew it wasn't going to work. The Hulk can break through pretty much anything.

"_Yeah, now we're getting somewhere! Come on big guy, show me what you got!"_

The worst part was that I can actually remember it all. Through all of the tests we've done with him, he's learned to not just wipe everything from his memory so I get to relive everything that he did.

"_Hi-erm, the Hulk, if you could just not smash me that would be great and all because-"_

Tony tried to convince me it would work because the Hulk likes him. He was referring to the one time I actually had a bit of control over the big guy and saved his life. I then tried to tell him that one good deed didn't define me.

He was unconscious when I woke up. I just sat next to him until he opened his eyes.

"Hurt… chest… check it…" Tony pressed a button and the chest plate of his suit disassembled itself.

The arc reactor had popped out. It literally shot out of his body when he collided with the wall. I reattached it, then got a look at the rest of his body.

I remember my exact words. _"Shit, Tony."_ He had four broken ribs, his right leg was fractured, and a giant open wound on his left arm from where part of the suit coiled in on itself and into him.

After going to the hospital, he and I had a heart-to-heart. Well, heart-to-thingthat'skeepingstuffoutofhisheart. It was basically a long discussion about whether or not we were making any progress, if the Hulk should even be involved in the management of himself. We were both total messes after that.

I regret it, I really do. I feel like I've found my home, or at least, where I'd really like my home to be. I hate to keep running, but I have to.


	3. The Scientist

Here's chapter 3! The Scientist was the song that initially sparked this whole fic. I know a lot of people have used it, but I wanted to use it too.

I'd really appreciate some reviews. I'd like to know what I can make better! As always, enjoy.

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I haven't seen a lot of Tony since the accident. I've been going to bed at a decent hour. Tony had to stay in the hospital for a week, but has been staying up into the early morning when he can. I've been talking with Pepper more and more since then.

She knows I want, mainly because the Hulk wanted out. I can't live in such a highly populated place if I'm going to get a visit from the Jolly Green Giant as frequent as we fear. I know what I'll be leaving behind, but at least I'll be leaving it behind in one piece that I can visit every once in a while. Pepper understands, so surely Tony will. He'll know it's for our own good.

I love this lab. A lot. I also love my bedroom. And the entire floor of Stark Tower that Tony basically gave to me. I can't be selfish though, especially if I'm going to hurt the ones I love.

I've been sitting in my office for hours, not accomplishing anything. It's two in the morning- by now Pepper has gone to bed and Tony isn't completely exhausted. I figure this is my window of opportunity.

"JARVIS, where's Tony?" I know where he is, it's just nice to stall.

"Tony is in the Hulk Lab, Dr. Banner. Would you like me to buzz him?"

It's probably best that I make sure he's not asleep or wasted or something. "Yes please."

"Right away sir." JARVIS' voice is replaced with Tony's. "Hey Bruce, what's up? Itching for another blood transfusion?"

I laugh. It was hard to hear him poking fun at the Hulk at first, but now I actually find it funny. "Naw, I was actually wondering if I could come down and talk to you. Are you busy?" Could I have said that any slower? Dear god.

"No, come on down. I was just finishing up for the night."

I stand up and head toward the elevator. It's usually an extremely long ride, seeing as I have to pass through seventy floors to get to the lower basement, but this time it passes in an instant.

JARVIS announces that I have arrived and the doors open. I step out of the elevator, and Tony's logging off of his computer. He's not wearing a shirt, mainly because of the bandages, but also because he's Tony and he'll take any opportunity to go around topless. Even though it's been three weeks since the accident, he's still in pretty bad shape. His wounded arm is in a sling, his leg is in a cast, and his torso is completely wrapped in gauze. I almost like the look it gives the arc reactor.

He watches me step out. "Hey Greenie, what did you want to talk about?"

I panic. "Oh, uh, just that your hair looks nice." I turn quickly on my toes and press the elevator button to call it down, but I feel Tony's hand on my shoulder. He has a firm but reassuring grip. I spin around again.

I clasp my hands together in front of me and look down at them. I think about what I want to say, how Tony's given me everything and how dependent I've become on him. I want to tell him that our friendship has turned into a downward spiral and that I would give anything to go back to the beginning, to start things off right. I want to ask him how he manages to put up with my shit day in and day out, how even though he's standing in front of me with half of the bones in his body broken, I'm still his closest friend. I want to tell him how I feel about us, being the same train going down two separate tracks, one veering off-course and accomplishing nothing worth celebrating. I want to point out that even though we've been working our asses off to try to break this thing in my head, absolutely nothing has been done towards that goal and that his valuable time could be much better spent doing something else. I want to say that we can't just solve our friendship problems like an equation, and that even though neither of us knows how, I'd be willing to try.

"I'm leaving." I blurt out. Tony's face breaks.

"I knew it," he mutters. He walks around me and into the elevator, leaving me alone in the dim metal room, definitely not small enough for one person.


	4. God Put a Smile Upon Your Face

Okay, this is a really short but kind of important chapter. I also want to say sorry in advance for not updating, because I'll be leaving for a week on Sunday, and I'll be getting ready tomorrow and Saturday. I promise to update as soon as I can when I get home.

Special thanks to 8fangirl8 for making me feel incredibly happy after her review. You're awesome.

Please enjoy!

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I have no idea where the hell I'm going. Tony gave me one of his cars, a nice red convertible. Actually, Pepper gave it to me. Tony didn't want to see me.

I'm driving a little faster than I probably should be. I don't fucking care. I need to get away for a while. At this point, it's probably going to be for more than a while judging by Tony's reaction, but whatever.

Where am I going to stay? I don't have a lot of money with me. My clothes, computer, and snacks have gotten me through a lot before, so I don't see why they can't now. I'll probably just stay at a motel for the night.

I flick my eyes up to the rear view mirror for a second. I look back up when I see what's in the back seat. "What do you fucking want?" The Hulk is comfortably reclined across the entire back row.

"You know I really liked Tony. I'm gonna miss ripping his equipment in half," he says smugly.

I grit my teeth, keeping my eyes on the road. "Yeah, well, you can't always get what you want."

He sits up. I'm still not sure how he's managing to fit in the tiny sports car. "I'm on your side here, Bruce. You did the right thing."

I scoff. "Oh yeah, and what's that?" Leave my best friend because of the jolly green jackass that's taking over my mind?

The Hulk pouts. I never knew he could pout… "Aww, now don't pin this on me, Bruce. I am _your _creation after all. I wouldn't be here without your curiosity."

I kind of hate myself right now. "Stop reading my mind," I demand. Well that's a stupid request.

He chuckles. "But really, if you hadn't left, Tony would probably be dead now."

I realize I'm going twenty miles over the speed limit and slow down. "Yeah and why's that?" I know why.

The monster calmly says, "Eh, I would have killed him."

"I wouldn't have let you." I can feel a pit of rage swelling up inside of me, the real Hulk threatening to break loose.

"How? It's not like you were planning on getting rid of me. You had to draw the line somewhere, and you didn't care if Tony knew about it or not. Face it, you never intended to cure the Hulk, even if it was possible. You _need_ me. You _thrive_ on my existence. I allow you to live, and you won't accept it, Bruce."

He's right. He's so fucking right, and after years of pushing him into the corners of my brain, I've finally come to realize that I need him. I let him keep talking, even though I know it will make me feel worse.

"You needed to leave. You think you two are so similar, but you're a hell of a lot worse off than him. The only one he's ever unintentionally threatened to kill was himself, but you, you Bruce, you've killed hundreds. Hurt thousands more. The negative impact you're having on the world is massively outweighing the positive, and through all of Tony's saving the world, his hero complex his greater than both sides of you combined."

There are tears welling up in my eyes. "Go away." I look up to the rear- view mirror again and he's gone.


	5. Warning Sign

Finally, chapter five! Even though I've been back for a week...

This chapter originally had a lot less yelling. Sorry, I have a lot of feels.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, you make me feel so special.

Please enjoy!

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It's now been a month since I left. That first night was hard; and I'm not just talking about the quality of the motel bed. I had a terrible nightmare where I Hulked out and killed Tony, over and over, a different way every time. It was the worst five hours of sleep I had ever gotten.

When I woke up that morning, I still wasn't sure where I was going. However, when I opened the room door, Maria Hill was standing there, unsurprisingly chipper. She informed me that I SHIELD would be providing me with a home for the time , I would have declined an offer like that, but I was so tired and frustrated I was glad something was finally coming out on my side.

It's cozy, I'll give you that, but it's also out in the middle of nowhere, where even the Hulk would get exhausted if he had to hike to the nearest town. Even with the cottage's small size, SHIELD managed to squeeze everything in. It's pretty much one room, but I have space to work, and somehow, internet access.

Pepper and I have been emailing each other constantly. I've tried sending emails to Tony, but he never responds. Then again, it's not like he ever responded to his emails before I left. Pepper has told me that he won't come out of the lab for anything; JARVIS is sending down food whenever he needs it, and he apparently has a bedroom _in_ the lab. Typical Tony.

I've been lying in bed for half an hour now. It's ten AM, I should probably get up and do something. After I take a shower and get dressed, I get on my computer. I have an IM from Pepper.

_** ppotts**__: Can I come see your new place?_

_**bbanner:**__ Sure, there's not much to see though._

_**ppotts:**__ there's you_

_**bbanner:**__ and who would want to see me?_

_**ppotts:**__ me, for one_

_**ppotts:**__ also Tony_

I lean back in my chair and stare at Tony's typed name for a moment.

_**bbanner:**__ Why?_

_**ppotts:**__ he wants to see you_

_**bbanner:**__ I know, but why?_

_**ppotts:**__ Well I'm not going to say he wants to apologize, but he misses you_

I guess that's reason enough…

_**bbanner:**__ Okay, when can you two come by?_

_**ppotts:**__ tomorrow?_

Tomorrow? I'm not ready to see my best friends that I basically broke up with tomorrow. I need more notice!

_**bbanner:**__ sure, tomorrow works._

_**ppotts:**__ great, we'll see you tomorrow_

_**bbanner:**__ don't you need my address or something?_

_**ppotts:**__ Please, Fury gave us all your address as soon as you left._

That's the end of our conversation.

I slept really well last night. I thought that having the pressure of seeing Tony and Pepper would stress me out more than usual, but it was actually quite comforting.

I decide to wear the button-up shirt I wore on the day I moved into Stark Tower. I hope Tony notices, he won't say anything, but he'll know.

Pepper never said what time they'd be coming, but I figure they'll be here relatively early. If it weren't for Tony's reputation of being late to _everything,_ I'm sure she'd be here already. I bet they'll get here in the early afternoon. But why aren't they here already?

Why did I get up so early? It's noon now, I knew they wouldn't be here yet. I've just been sitting here for hours doing nothing. Well, I've been thinking, but other than that, nothing.

I haven't eaten anything today. I don't need to, but Pepper would be angry with me. I make myself a sandwich so I don't have to lie when she gets here.

At around four o'clock, I finally hear a knock at the door.

I look in the mirror to fix my hair. I have the goofiest grin.

I eagerly run to the door and open it. "Where's Tony?" My smile fades.

Pepper's hands are folded in front of her, and she looks down. "He... uh, had a last-minute press conference."

I make some tea and we sit across from each other at the small table in my kitchen. "So Bruce, have you eaten today? I can whip us up some of that grilled veggie pasta I know you love," Pepper says, not being very good with the small talk.

I know what she's trying to do. Pepper thinks that it's better to ease into a bad conversation rather than to be forward. As for me, I like to treat bad conversations like band-aids. "He didn't have a press conference, did he?"

Pepper gives me a grim look and simply shakes her head. "I'm sorry."

"You know he wasn't going to come, Bruce." Great, this guy again. The Hulk is sitting in the third chair at the table, next to Pepper and I.

_Gotta ignore him, gotta ignore him, gotta ignore him_, I repeat to myself. I try to sneak a look at him as I glance back up at Pepper. I can tell she's a bit confused. "What for? It's not your fault. He doesn't want me anymore, I get it."

Pepper finally looks at me. "That's the thing, Bruce. He does. You two hit it off instantly, and to be honest, you're the only real friend I've ever seen Tony have. He's hurt, Bruce."

The Big Guy decides to speak up again. "Ask her why."

I do as he says. "Why?"

"Because you left, why else? You mean a lot to him, and you just left out of the blue. You can't just do that to people."

Pepper doesn't get it. She'll never get it, unless I decide one day to douse her in an unhealthy amount of gamma radiation and let her scare off everyone she ever cared about. I literally have to keep running to keep myself from breaking everything in my path. "Pepper, you clearly don't understand the whole 'enormous green rage monster' thing, do you? I was gonna kill him, I had to leave!" I say, a little louder than I probably should have.

Pepper's eyes grow wide and one of her hands forms into a fist. "No, Bruce, you didn't. We wouldn't have let… 'the other guy' take over. You think you're so alone in all of this. You think that your problem is worse than everyone else's, and that you can look for a reason to leave and just sulk off whenever it gets bad. It doesn't work like that, Bruce. Tony's had his shit, he gets it more than me or any of the other Avengers will.

When you left, I told him I was sorry. He just said 'It's fine,' and a few minutes later, said 'that's a lie.' I kept telling him to go find you but he wouldn't, because he 'had nothing to say'. He's broken, Bruce. He won't come out of the workshop, and when he does, he just sits with me and asks me 'why.'

I'm tired of being your mediator. I'm not going to be here every time you two start acting like four year olds, which is most of the time. So what's it going to be, Bruce? What are you going to do?"

I hear a dark laugh next to me. The Hulk is grinning wickedly. "Oh Bruce, she _still_ doesn't understand! You and Tony were two extremely complex people; she can't just dissect you two like that! What are you gonna say to her?"

I stand up and slam my palms down on the table. "Yeah? Maybe I _was_ looking for a reason to leave. I have this stupid green monster following me around- and no, that's not a metaphor, he's sitting right there- that will kill you. He will kill you Pepper, he will kill Tony, he will kill anyone who doesn't give him his Lucky Charms in the morning just because he _fucking can_, and I won't have that on my conscience."

Pepper reaches out and places her hand on top of mine, which has a slight green tint to it. I sit back down and count to ten in my head. Once I calm down, I realize just how hard I'm trying to hold back my tears.

"Bruce," Pepper says softly, "he wanted me to give this to you." Pepper takes a thick envelope out of her purse and slides it across the small table. "I told him to write everything down, so he did."

I look to the Hulk as if to say 'I told you so,' but he's gone. "I'm sorry, Pepper. I'm tired. I shouldn't have left. I miss you guys." I finally start to cry.

Without hesitation, she stands up and wraps her arms around my neck. "I know, Bruce, I know."


	6. Green Eyes

Short chapter this time, sorry, but please, still enjoy!

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We must have been in my kitchen for a good hour, Pepper just holding me as I softly sobbed into her neck. Once I calm down, Pepper gives me a slight pat on the back and says, "You should read it. It might change some things." She stands up, picks up her purse, and takes a step towards the door.

"Don't leave, please. Not yet." I know Hulk will be back if I'm left here alone.

Pepper nods. She returns to the chair across from me.

The envelope is lying on the table, halfway between me and Pepper. It looks thick, like there are a few sheets of paper in there. My name is scribbled across the front in Tony's chicken scratch handwriting. I look at Pepper as I reach across the table and open the envelope.

_Bruce,_

_If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of a mess. And a jerk. And a smartass. People don't really like spending time with me, and frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of social interaction either. I'd rather just stay in the garage fixing up my cars or working on the latest suit. I didn't think that I'd like the whole superhero team but it ended up being the best thing that's ever happened to be, just because I met you. There are very few people who I've let into my life to the extent that you've come in. You're not just a great friend, or the perfect lab partner, you've managed to make me a decent human being. I've always seen us as the same person with two entirely different outcomes, and you've always been the better one. You always do what's right even if you're going to be in some deep shit after the fact. I've never been that person, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be, but with you, I feel like I can. You act like the hulk is this burden you have to carry around with you everywhere, but in reality, he's part of you, and even though you doubt it, he has a good heart. Bruce, I know I'm a major ass for not coming here today, but I'm just not good in these types of situations. I'm just trying to say that my life has gotten so much better since I met you, and that I need you to come back for me to feel like a good man again._

_Tony_

Pepper reaches across the table and wipes a tear from my cheek. "So, are you coming back?"

I quickly rub my eyes, not even realizing that I had started to cry again. "Yeah, I have to." I smile. "But I have to talk to Tony first, here. We just have to settle some things."

"I completely understand. I'll let him come alone next time. I guess I'll see you when you come back home!" Pepper grins.

I stand up to give her a hug, and she leaves.

-

Last night was a big game changer for me. Of course I wanted to go back, but without hearing anything from Tony I couldn't make a sound decision, but now, I can and I have.

I have to email him. I log on to my computer, and there's one unread message in my inbox from- Tony? I thought he was ignoring me. I open it up because, hey, what else am I going to do?

_Bruce,_

_If I'm right, you've read the letter by now. And if I'm right again, you're also probably thinking about coming back. I really want you to, but if I'm right __**again**__, then you want to talk about it. I'll be at your place on the 14__th__ at 7 pm for us to smooth things over. I miss you buddy._

_Tony_

He knows me far too well.

Hulk is just "a rush of blood to the head"

Blame EVERYTHING upon a rush of blood to the head


	7. A Rush of Blood to the Head

Why do I keep getting up so early on these days? It's five am, and I know Tony isn't in a rush to get here. Or maybe he is. For all I know he could show up at noon because he couldn't wait to see me. Except he won't, because he's Tony Stark and he's not going to ruin his I'm-always-fashionably-late reputation, even for me.

This time, I choose the eggplant button-down I wore the day Tony and I met. The day he told me that one day, the Hulk may actually come in handy. I'm hoping for everyone's sake that it's true.

-

I have accomplished absolutely nothing today, and it's already six o clock. I'm just so nervous, knowing that Tony will be here in an hour. I keep thinking about what I'm going to do when he arrives. Should I politely invite him in and offer him a cup of coffee? Should I give him a hug before he can say anything? Should I just break down crying like I know I'm going to feel like doing and be too afraid to answer the door? All of these seem like likely outcomes, but then again, they don't.

I figure meditating will take my mind off things, even if only for a short amount of time. I sit in front of the foot of my bed, cross my legs, and exhale. When I meditate, I can focus all of my energy on one thing, and usually, that one thing is the Hulk.

He's sitting at the foot of my bed, with his feet dangling next to me. "You actually wanted to talk to me, eh?"

"I just wanted to ask that you be on your best behavior today, alright? Tony's coming over." I smile at his name.

"Oh yeah, Tony, the one who wrote you this letter." He holds up the familiar white envelope with 'Bruce' scribbled across the front. He takes the letter out and starts to read it.

"Yup, that's the one."

"I'm surprised you're not that upset about it." The Hulk flips the paper over a few times in his hands.

"Why would I be upset about it?" There wasn't a thing to be upset about in that letter.

"Well for one, he basically said that I made you awesome." I see him smirk in the mirror across from my bed.

I pause and recall his words. _You act like the hulk is this burden you have to carry around with you everywhere, but in reality, he's part of you, and even though you doubt it, he has a good heart. _"That's not what he meant, big guy."

"What did he mean then?"

I start to answer, but then I realize I have no fucking clue what he meant.

"What am I to you?"

I turn my head towards the mirror. I see two entirely different people. One is an esteemed scientist, with a professional appearance, the other an angry, troubled beast. They differ so greatly, it's hard to imagine one can't exist without the other. I focus on my ill-tempered counterpart, and I realize more than just our face is the same.

"Bruce, what am I to you?" he asks again, this time a little more stern. "I'm not just your alter-ego everyone meets when you get upset, or a monster you tend to hide in the recesses of your mind, no, I'm a whole lot less than that, aren't I? I'm an experiment gone wrong, something you want to forget about, a fluke that shows up when you get _a rush of blood to the head_." The tone of his last few words makes my skin crawl.

My fists ball up on my knees. "God I wish I could get rid of you," I whisper.

He laughs his dark laugh. "Do you really want to do that? I've saved your ass too many times to count. What would happen the next time you're in trouble, and I'm not there to guard you?"

"I can take care of myself." I reply.

"But you still don't want to get rid of me. You want to rid the world of what I've done to it, the destruction I've caused, the damage you've created, the trouble we've provoked. You don't realize it, but that task may be easier than you've ever imagined."

"Yeah, how so? What, am I going to go around to every family of the people I've killed and say I'm sorry?" I ask sarcastically.

"Well, you could." The Hulk nods. "But I was thinking more along the lines of erasing every bad memory you've had, starting with this shack. Honestly Bruce, every morning you've woken up in this place you're reminded of what you left behind, and you regret that. You can take control, or if you'd like, let me, and see it all disappear without a trace."

"Wait… You're not saying what I think you're saying… Are you?"

The Hulk points to a cabinet in the kitchen. "There's a gallon of kerosene and some matches under there. Wouldn't it feel good to get some of that anger out?"

I give him a long, disapproving look. I try to tell him that he won't persuade me, that my control over him is better than it's been in years, but I can't get the words out. Instead I stand up and take a step in the direction of the kitchen. I feel his smile burning through the back of my head, egging me to go on. I continue walking until I reach the cabinet, and I find the kerosene and matches. I take them out, but only set them on the floor in front of their previous space. I can tell he has more to say to me.

"What? What more could you want? What else could you possibly say to ruin me?" I flail my arms a bit, thinking that it will scare him off. It doesn't.

He pretends to think for a moment. "Bruce, you've hurt a lot of people. You don't want to hurt anymore, do you?"

My head shakes. I don't remember making myself do that.

"You can clear the world of any harm you may cause it just as easily as you can clear it of what you've already done."

"What the hell do you mean?" I'm not sure why I'm asking, of course I know what he means. It's like one of those stupid romantic comedies where the girl needs to hear the guy say 'I love you' out loud before they'll inevitably kiss and have a happy ending. Except, in this case, the girl is me, the guy is an enormous green rage monster, the 'I love you' is a few words that are much, much worse than that, and the ending is anything but happy.

"I have a lot more control over you than you think, Bruce. You cave so easily, I can just play you like a puppet." I really hate that smile.

"Try me." Why am I challenging him? I know I'll lose.

He picks his legs up and crosses them in front of himself. "Look under the bed."

I shoot him a curious look walk back over to the bed. I lift the blankets that his feet were previously guarding. There's a small black case placed neatly behind the sheets and I pull it out.

"Well go on, open it!" The Hulk urges me on.

I cautiously press the buttons on either side of the case, causing the top to jump slightly. I lift it up further and resting in a casket of foam is a revolver and a lone bullet. "Well what the hell do you want me to do with this?"

He lets his legs go off the bed again. "That, right there, is a vibranium bullet."

I run my index finger over the ammunition. It feels oddly soft. "That seems like a bit of a contradiction, doesn't it?" How was a bullet made of a material designed to absorb all shocks supposed to kill anything?

"It's the perfect weapon for the man made of contradictions." He stands up and takes a short step to the mirror. "If you put that through your head, I won't know what hit me. Then again, neither will you, but it's a small price to pay to know that you won't hurt anyone anymore."

He's right. As hard as I try to make him better, he always wins. He's the built up rage that will always be destructive, and I'll never get rid of him.

I hear a chime coming from my night stand. I put the gun behind my belt, against my back in case I need it. Upon picking up my cell phone, I find out Tony texted me four times in the past hour.

_**Tony Stark, 6:17 pm**_

_Hey Bruce, I'm a bit behind of schedule. Expect me there around 8:00._

_**Tony Stark, 6:22 pm**_

_Bruce, just letting you know I'm getting to your place at 8:00. You didn't reply to my last text._

_**Tony Stark, 6:29 pm**_

_Are you even home? Call me if you get this Bruce._

_**Tony Stark, 6:34 pm**_

_Bruce, call me. I'll be at your place at 7:30. I'm in the suit._

One thing runs through my mind as I read his texts.

_I shouldn't do this to him._

Dowsing everything in kerosene is a lot easier than I thought. I keep it mostly to the back half of the house, so the few appliances don't explode too quickly. I light a match and throw it on the soaked bed. The house lights up in an instant.

I scribble a few words on a piece of paper that hadn't been soaked or set ablaze yet and stuff it in my pocket. I begin walk out of the small house, with just my phone, leather jacket, and the gun. Just as I'm a foot from the door and about to call Tony, I hear a roar behind me.

When I finally face the source of the roar, the back wall is lined with newspapers, all with headlines involving The Hulk and how many I've killed, or how much property damage I've caused. The big guy himself is standing in the flames. He frowns, and in a voice that sounds all too similar to my own, says "I don't think you want to do that."

That all-too familiar pre-cry shaking comes along, but this time, no tears fall. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"No, why are you doing this to yourself?" Before I can respond, he falls back into the flames and is gone.

I'm left alone in this hell-hole of a place, with a burning wall reminding me of all the shit I've done to screw up the world. My legs shake and collapse underneath me, bringing me to my knees. How have I allowed myself to do this? I know I could have stopped myself from the very beginning, whether it be never letting the Hulk out or giving Ross permission to have his way with me all those years ago.

I reach behind me and grasp the gun. I stuff my left hand in my coat pocket, to hold the note I wrote a few minutes ago. The weapon only had one purpose, and it was about to fulfill that. The firearm is cold in my already clammy hands. I bring the barrel of the gun to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself. This is the ultimate test of trust. The sudden bang of the gun drowns out the only sound in the room other than the crackling fire- a door being slammed open with a strong metal kick.

Tony tries to save me, it's too late. The same metal that is keeping him alive is slowly killing me, slow and painfully, the same as how the Hulk had killed. I'm still conscious, but I can feel myself fading fast.

I hear a click and I see Tony's face hovering over me instead of his metal mask. "Bruce, Bruce, why, why," is all he manages to get out.

I hold my left hand up to him, and he takes the sad piece of paper inside. I recite the words to him as he reads the note himself. "Blame it all upon a rush of blood to the head."

For the first time in years, I know I won't be able to hurt anyone. For the first time in years, I'm at peace with myself.

* * *

**A/N: And there you have it. This was actually the first multi-part fic I've ever completed, so I guess I can say I'm proud. I had a lot of IRL feels that I channeled into this, which really helped everything. Thank you to everyone who read. **


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